“I will”
May 21, 2024
Two weeks ago, on May 11th, I went to Navy Pier in Chicago with a friend and we walked into a souvenir shop. We were just looking around for fun, but I was fixated on getting new laptop stickers, so I took my time to look at all of the designs. I picked a few stickers and one of them had suitcases tied to the top of an orange truck with the words, Chicago, Second to None on the truck’s windows. The sticker reminded me of me — I moved to Chicago on a solo journey, and in my life, I come second to none — I usually choose myself first.
Before I paid for the stickers, I stopped by the table that had a display of the Chicago flag. Underneath the flag, there was a description of its history (there’s a long list of meanings to the flag), but only one thing stuck out to me. According to the display, Chicagoans adopted the motto, “I will” after the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 — they were determined to overcome the destruction of the fire. “I will” embodied the spirit and resilience to rebuild Chicago into what we call the “second city.” I couldn’t help but stare at the words, ‘I will’ on the display.
It’s as if I had an out-of-body experience because I was immediately brought back to that summer night in 2021 — before I moved to Chicago — when we shared sangria and dinner at Zona De Cuba, a beautiful rooftop restaurant in The Bronx. He looked at me with such ease and confidence and calmly said, “I would say I will instead of I do.” I remember feeling surprised at the thought of me in a white dress — it’s not something I ever think about — but I smiled, tilted my head a bit, and asked, “Really? Are you sure?” He was more than sure, and at that moment, so was I.
If the day ever comes when we say “I will” or “I do,” we would most likely say it to other people — not to each other — something we both needed to quickly accept.
As friends, we will:
show up for ourselves so we can show up for each other
keep our playful, passionate, and child-like energy
accept the evolutions we grow into and out of
do the inner work when life is life-ing (as it usually is)
journal and reflect on our own, and with each other
always love each other
and the list goes on.
The truth is, I’ve already practiced what I listed here, for myself. Sometimes we get sucked into the idea of needing to practice self-love so that we can attract someone who has done the same. While it’s great to be loved by someone great, I simply honor my self-worth for my own heart. The man who said “I will” is important to me, yet my goal in life isn’t to be chosen by him — or by anyone, honestly. I choose me and I will continue to choose me.
I guess I stared at the display for too long because my friend stood next to me and asked, “Hey, are you ok?” I slowly came back to reality and said, “I didn’t know “I will” is a motto here. Did you?” Meanwhile, I had a million thoughts running in my mind — the main one being that I booked my flight back to New York for June 1st. As I walked to the register to pay for the stickers, I thought to myself, I will make it home safely — I will have an amazing summer — I will see him soon.
